A New Tradition: COUCH COUNCIL

Each room in your home has a practical function and an emotional function.  The Emotional House offers readers A New Tradition to practice in each room to enliven the emotional function of that space. 

The living room is the room of fellowship where we gather with our individual "tribes," (family, friends and familiars) to share our lives.  When this space is used for the free exchange and exploration of opinions and ideas, relationships are developed and minds (both young and old) are strengthened.

COUCH COUNCIL: Once a week, following dinner, gather in the living room for a half hour of Couch Council with your "tribe."  Pick a topic and go around your circle giving everyone (including all young children) 2 minutes to voice their opinion on the subject without judgment or interruption.  No one gets to moderate or control this discussion.  Everyone voices their own unique opinion, no matter how unpopular it might be.  After everyone has had their turn, go around the circle once more to add in any new thoughts that may have occurred to you.  Keep these discussions open and lighthearted, even if others disagree with you.  And remember to always sweeten the practice of Couch Council with a little dessert.

TOPIC CARDS: Here are a set of sample topics to get you started.   Use these for your discussion or make up your own.  Write the topic on a card and display it in the living room on the day of your Couch Council.  You'll be surprised how much everyone begins to look forward to this weekly gathering.

1

If you find money on the ground, should you turn it in to the police? What if it’s $20? What if it’s $2,000?  What if it is $20,000? What if you are poor and you find the money in a rich neighborhood? What if you are financially comfortable and find the money in a less fortunate neighborhood?

2

Do animals have souls?

3

If someone you care about has told lies about their achievements and asks you back them up, what should you do? What if it's a member of your family who has done this, and telling the truth could hurt them professionally or socially? Is it ever okay to protect someone else's lies?

4

If you break something that belongs to someone else, without them knowing, should you tell the person or keep it to yourself? What if the person already thinks they broke it themselves? What if this item belongs to your boss and it could get you fired? What if the person who owns it has caused you a lot of problems before?  What if the person will make you replace it and you can't afford to?

5

If someone gives you a gift you hate, should you tell them you’re taking it back? What if they had to save a long time to buy it for you? Is it better to secretly throw it away than to hurt the feelings of the person who gave it to you? Is it okay to "regift" it -- give it away to someone else, pretending you bought it for them?

6

Should people without any on-the-job experience be hired for important positions if they have a pretty good head on their shoulders? What if it's a job as the Chief of Police? What if it's a senior management job in a nuclear power facility? What if the job is director of the country's primary disaster relief organization?  Wt if it's a lifetime appointment as a Supreme Court Judge? How should hiring practices be decided?

7

If you own a property should you always get to decide what colors the rooms are painted inside? What if someone else lives there, like a renter? What if you live there but it's your full time nanny's room? What if it's your child's room?

8

"First come, first served" is a sign often seen at food or service counters. Does this always apply no matter what, or are there certain circumstances when people should get special treatment and be served before the others waiting?  What if a crowd of teenagers is waiting and an important business man trying to make a flight comes in, should he get served first or should he wait his turn?  Should physically challenged or elderly individuals be served first?  What about celebrities? Or a valued repeat customer? Do they deserve special treatment?  Does anyone?  Who should decide?

9

What's the best way to handle someone cutting you off in traffic?

10

What does it mean to be a good citizen of your country?  Is it enough to pay taxes, vote and obey the laws of the land?  What else is required of citizenship?

11

If you bring a living thing into your care and then don’t properly feed, water or care for it and it dies, are you as bad as a murderer?  Everyone considers this to be so if we are talking about a human being, but what about animals or say, tropical fish?  What if it is a plant?  Where do you draw the line?

12

In the last two years several nations fell victim to devastating natural disaters.  Use your Couch Council this week to discuss the things you most value in your home.  Have everyone in the family (including children) make a list of five things they want to take with them in the case of a natural disaster.  Agree on an out-of-state contact who will be the phone number everyone will call if you become separated.  Together, create a survival and evacuation plan. 

13

Is it our responsibility to take care of others who are less fortunate than us, even if we don't know them?

14

If this were your last day on earth what would you leave unfinished or unsaid?  Use this week's Couch Council to discuss these delicate matters. Your family should know your wishes and how you want your affairs handled in the case of illness or death.  How do you want things handled?

15

If you know someone might hurt you one day, is it okay to attack them first? Our country's leaders invaded Iraq with this justification.  Is it okay to do this in our private lives as a protective measure?   Would we be justified if we thought someone might someday be a threat to our wellbeing?

16

If something is endangered—trees, animals, minerals—is it okay to buy furniture, clothing or supplies made from them if you pay enough money?

17

How could you make your life better?  What three resolutions would bring more joy into your life and your family's lives?  Make life-affirming declarations instead of punishing decisions about the ways you need to change. Focus on laughing and loving more, on having more fun and resolve to be more present in your life. Discuss with your family and/or friends the actions you'll take to find more happiness right now.

19

What makes a good leader?  What makes you want to follow someone?   What makes others want to follow you?  When do you feel bossed or led?

21

This week discuss how other countries have contributed to your home and lifestyle.  Your television may have been made in Japan, your fruit basket may come from an orchard in Chile, the oil heating your home may be imported from Africa, the spices in your food are from all over the planet.  It's a small world after all and we are more dependent upon one another than we know.  Is this a good thing or a bad thing?  If things were to change, how would your life change?

23

Are you a thief if you steal someone’s ideas?  What if this idea could bring you fame and fortune?  What if this idea could help people and you were connected enough to get it out to the public? What if the person who originated the idea will never do anything with it?  Do you have a right to use it?

24

Is the man the boss of the family? What if the woman is the primary earner and completely supports the family financially? What if the man has a drug, alcohol or gambling problem?  What if both the man and the woman have the exact same career outside the home?  Which one is the head of the household?  Our U.S. tax forms even today still ask who is the head of the household.  Should there be a head of household?

25

What would be better--to be rich and lonely, or poor and happy?  What is true wealth?  What is true happiness?  Can money buy real friends?  Can you be happy living a life of financial struggle?